I seriously never thought we would EVER wait this long to be matched with our child! Friday marked 23 months on the waiting list and honestly the day came and went and I just tried not to think about it. I prayed for our sweet children in Africa as usual but I just found myself a little numb all day to the reality of this long wait..............
This fall I had selfishly prayed and asked God to let me see our child/childrens faces by Christmas. This fall the unofficial waiting list started to move a lot and I thought for sure it was "safe for my heart" to pray big, bold prayers. So I did. However, now that Christmas has come and gone, I have found myself a little disappointed that we did not receive our referral and also that I allowed my heart to be so vunerable. I have done so well in this process guarding my heart and not setting myself up for disappointment but this was our 4th Christmas in this adoption process and I just thought for sure we would not have to celebrate it without our baby that we have prayed for for so long! I honestly am ashamed that I was sad, but my heart is just half way around the globe with children I have never met and some days its just plain hard not to cry and lose your focus sometimes.
I only had a short pity party and thankfully I realized that I had been planning things out for the Lord and should have been praying big, bold prayers but with the understanding and trust that it would be in accordance with Gods will and his timing. Even though most days have been really good through this process, I am grateful for the messy and hard ones too. I really am grateful for all that he is teaching me and how he is refining me in this process! I love how the Lord always speaks so clearly and helps refocus my heart and mind when necessary. The following verse was in yesterdays daily devotional in my email inbox..............
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps
Proverbs 16:9
I am so thankful that the Lord is my navigator in life and that I have his word to speak to my heart! I am a nurse and a planner and this was a hard lesson for me but God is growing me and continues to remind me to.....
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3:5-6
For our prayer warrios, please continue to pray that we would have endurance during this long wait and also for our children that they would have food, clothing, shelter, love and feel the presence of the Lord ever so close to them. Thank you for all that are on your knees on behalf of us and our children in Africa. Please know how grateful we are for you all!!
1 comment:
waiting, trusting and growing is all you get. You both are too strong to do anything else. There is no other reason for the wait but just for the burning away of the dross otherwise keeping you from the most human and fallible of hearts for the greatest gift God can give. The perfect example of unity in His body by offering his children to the married as a perfect portrayal of two becoming one. While this baby or BABIES! may not be seen as traditional "concieved" it has been so beautiful the journey your children are on to being formed into the oneness you and jared have. I have been praying for you, as have countless others. This wait has been lovingly long and painfully real...and the anticipation grows stronger everyday. mm. Can not wait to see what or rather WHOM God gives you.
mm. =]
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